I wrote
Something New... pretty quickly just putting thoughts down. It seemed to get somewhere and hit a few things for me. I guess its because I've spent part of today wandering around, a little shopping, a bit of tidying. Mainly thinking about work, generalities and other ways forward.
It occurred to me the last paragraph is a bit skewed. I don't want to sound critical of the guys that I'm around because I love them dearly as friends but somehow I need to branch out - get back a bit of freshness and vibrancy, as my evenings out generally are spent sitting round other people's houses with the same crew. That's where the flirting thing comes in (its a street workshop...), basically I'm not meeting new people right now and feeling that I'm in the right place.
I guess the last few months have put me in my place and I've realised what I liked about my life so much, and what I like in my life. To quote Bob Marley from "Wake Up and Live" on Survival:
“Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality"
So pull the bones out of that one... I never stop being thankful for the things I've got in my life and the opportunities around me, its just a case of being mindful and making the most of them. I don't like to think that I ever have, but I'm mindful that its quite possible that I have in the past. Unfortunately whatever the case with those they can't be got back, even as bad I still feel about them.
I've asked and got asked a lot of interesting questions recently. Some of them more revealing than others. Getting a mirror held up to you is sometimes a scary prospect - I'm quite comfortable with the physical mirrors - I realised recently I've dropped something like 20kgs (44 lbs) over the last 4 years and I'm very much back in shape and spot on my fighting weight. But my head most definitely didn't respond well to having a mirror shown up to it - the question was whether to accept it, or do something. Things are hard to do (nice and oblique statement!).
In my time away I've read a great deal of books and information. I've been quite candid with revealing some of this as I'm actually quite embarrassed about it, as it doesn't seem right for a nearly 28 year-old to hold his hands up and admit to his dating shortcomings. My route into this was reading
"The Game" by Neil Strauss. I have to admit it opened my eyes greatly.
As I've said I've been dateless for nearly a year now, my ex was the first girl I've really dated. Its a hard admission to make, but its true. Maybe this is the time and the place. I've realised its time to change things a bit - people turn round and say you'll meet people; well in my (old) life I didn't I was dateless for 26 long years, not meeting anybody.
But the information I saw in the community also opened my eyes as to some of the things that I've read around here - I've subscribed to various mailing lists and get about 5 emails a day all with various bits and pieces of advice in them. Some of them are good, like one I've just read, some are just plane scary. But from everything I've read round here on dating blogs it all kind of falls into place - especially meeting people and dating. But from my perspective its a case of me getting my game somewhere near order so that I can actually start meeting people again as its just something I've not been doing, I'm not desperate to settle down or get married or anything like (certainly not in the as soon as possible bracket) that just advance things from where they are! I guess I'm doing this as no-one teaches you this stuff and if you're a bit rubbish at it you need some help somewhere, I'm guessing this is my way...!
