So a question...
Hey Jon. I'm wondering, with the ups and downs you've had over the past year how do you think those experiences will benefit you in the future? How do you feel they've changed you as a person?
The easiest way that I can say it is that it feels like I've woken up. I've had a chance to look around, especially at myself and challenge the bits about myself that I really didn't like. I guess the difficulty was that I found a lot of things! Some of them I was working on but situations got the better of me - I've found out what my demons are, I'm just not sure of how to get over them... I guess that's the thing I've found out what's up and have no concrete plan to get round it, but bits are starting to come together.
I'm not going to say that I've fixed them, just I've got a better idea what they are and I know I've got to work on them, sometimes I'm just not sure how or the best way of doing things... It's motivated me to actually get out and do something about them. The obvious one is my singleton status - I'm not saying that I want to get married as soon as - or indeed go in for the other extreme of the lifestyle of "The Game", because I don't. But things need to be better than they are now and I need some semblance of a dating lifestyle. It took me a long time to figure this out because I read a lot of self-help whose views seemed to contradict it - but reading back over its more don't look for relationships but date around. Well I'm well under that bar.
I guess that's the thing - some form of lifestyle - but its easy to say and not necessarily to do; especially as I'm not really meeting people and I know I've got self-confidence issues (it's an odd statement as I don't at work... but I do in my personal life) - especially in regards to approaching and attraction. Its easy to listen and believe people that say everything will be fine and work - but actually will it? Doing the same old things? Really?
Its made me more committed to be a better person to myself and the people around me. Unfortunately that's an easy thing to say but more difficult to actually do in practice.
It's kind of like holding a big mirror up to yourself and thinking "oh shit!", I guess that's the best way to describe it. The proverbial face slap which came with a realisation of what that gnawing feeling was. Like I say great to know but something has to be done about it. That's the big motto, not to let it build up but take action. I guess the sick thing is being sure what is right, as right now I'm not sure and I've had a habit of putting myself in a bad situations before... So its trying to figure things but being willing to step away if its not right. Maybe that's a big learning thing!
