An Odd Thought....

Its a strange one this. I was away in the week and had something of an epiphany driving across the hills heading back. Unfortunately not quite a full picture but I suppose its something! Its an odd one because I suppose a thought that I've put on here in the past came back - oft described in the footballing circles as the new club project.

Its an interesting one and I find it somewhat strange from a personal point of view. I suppose its due to a few things that have gone on recently, and its part of a new perspective. I'm not quite sure where everything sits. But an interesting week; plenty of food for thought - don't know where its going, or what the answers are but a different perspective is an interesting one.

Music...

I've not been playing music much lately. I think I need to again, I hadn't realised quite how much I miss it. Its also occurred to me that I really need to have a go at writing/composing properly again. I'm kind of sitting here wondering whats brought this on again. But its sitting listening to music again.

Amongst all the nonsense there's always a quiet voice of reason in it. There's a good many of songs that I wish that I'd written. As I write this I'm listening to Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" - its something that always makes me wonder at the human mind; as it sits there and holds some memories that you can trigger with music.

Its odder because I was in the gym today (well I'm pretty much always there...) and put on the Jacques Lu Cont remix of "Mr Brightside" which was the track that made me realise I wanted to a do PhD years ago - it's an odd one I know and not the first thing that would come to mind! But I was driving back from an interview for a firm not especially at ease with something and it came on the radio and I kind of had a revelation. Maybe I'm hoping for something similar at the moment, a moment of clarity.

Looking Around

So much to say, so few words. Been sat around most of the evening - not having the best of time; but its these times that remind you that being happy where you are is important and if you're not something needs to be done. Unfortunately the chances need to be there and if they aren't they need searching out.

Another day, another interview which is good news. But there is such a motivation to get on right now; I suppose the heart of the problem is comparison; and the look of it from various points of view. Because it sounds selfish, dropping a job and trying to improve my own conditions when there is so much going wrong around and about. Putting up and shutting up might have been simpler.

I suppose its the siting around; too much, too regularly. Its a personal thing I guess, I've always been someone who wanted to get on and fix things. I guess its that that is causing me some restlessness right now. Well that and some music choices... Listening to "White Wine in the Sun" by Tim Minchin has kind of made me a bit sentimental for times past.

Confidence is a Preference for the Habitual Voyeur....

Keeping with the song lyrics...

Anyway; keeping up with themes. What is going on, well the first point is an interview at the start of next week. I can't quite figure out how I feel about it nervous, kind of looking forward to it but also thinking I'm not quite sure about some things - other things look good, but lets wait and see!

At present I've got a lot of people pulling for me which is nice. But I'm in a position where I don't really want to offend anyone, again it sounds odd to say it especially in these times but I'm in the process of walking away from another job offer. I felt it had all the hallmarks of the previous one that caused problems, but as with the other its one that I've been put forward for rather than applying directly, so it feels like I'm letting people down. But right choice I think, hopefully consequences won't be too severe.

However, the point to this post; well maybe anyway. As I've posted in the past I've probably spent a bit too long reading self-help books recently. A good deal of the advice on offer is to simply get out there and get some confident or keep trying until you do - its a poor summary I know and there are some other bits, and what can I say I'm working on them! I suppose its a personal point of view, but I suppose I've got very introspective of late and the last 6/7 months has forced me to look over how I was living my life; and I wasn't too happy. Therefore I retreated into the self-help, but I realised its only the outline of the path. You've got to actually tread it yourself.

So I'm starting to get out there and push myself a bit more; start some new hobbies - one that surprised me is that I've started Salsa; granted I'm not the greatest yet but its fun and you get out and there's plenty of people around for a bit of a chat. Still got to go to an evening but I'm thinking I need to improve before that!

Travelling Without Moving....

So yeah, another weekend, another train journey. Back the same route to old haunts, its the third weekend on the trot that I've been back. It's somewhat strange, as it's a reminder of the good times from the first few months of the year before things kind of went awry. I suppose the main point of this which I've been trying to get somewhere near in the previous few posts - hiding you're life away is no good thing.

Knowing who you are, liking yourself and being comfortable are very much the first step. But in my opinion you can't really stop there, or certainly I can't myself. So what happened? Well sometimes I listen to what people say to me in person too much (strangely I ignore advertising...). In the buildup to this I kept getting told it was time to sort my life and and give-up the things that were me, making me happy, and that money was the only thing that mattered. Not quite true and I suppose its this warning that gave me the shake up it has.

There's something to be said for listening to people, though sometimes you need to listen through what they say and judge it - what they think is best for you, may not actually be absolutely right. The time that I've had has allowed me to see what went on, but to quote Sufjan Stevens "I've made a lot of mistakes" - its a path everyone treads; you just hope that the opportunity to correct the mistakes presents itself again!

Just one more thing - I'd encourage anyone with access to the BBC to watch "Last Chance to See" - Stephen Fry presenting on the Douglas Adams book. Just started watching it and it promises to be absolutely excellent!

A Good Evening

So yeah a good evening. I went out tonight to see Tim Minchin ("Ready For This?") and I have to say he is excellent. Maybe some of his comedy could be a bit close to the bone for some people. But his material, way of keeping the crowd and awesome musicality was an absolute joy to behold. I've not heard a comic so well receive by an audience as at the end of the show. So many highlights in the show but "Bears Don't Dig on Dancing" had me laughing and I was really happy to hear "Not Perfect", it was a song I was really looking forward to hear and hoped he played - all I'll say is that lyrically its a song that means a lot and I like immensely.

However, I can say that I've been out a bit recently and I can honestly say heading out to stuff by yourself is dull. It was a really weird counterpoint with the show. Having been a bit mired in self-help its astonishing how often the tip get out by yourself is given. I'm not quite sure why? Personally its never been much of a problem as I've always done it, but its very, very dull and the thought of continuing that way indefinitely doesn't exactly fill you full of hope.

Its given me more motivation to get out of here; the question is always left though - will moving make it better? Who knows. Still back in previous haunts this weekend again for another birthday in the old crowd! But I re-iterate if you get a chance to see "Ready For This?" go, providing that you don't mind Tim Minchin's style you'll really enjoy it!