So just what is this, this feeling? I don't know right now quite how or why I've ended up here. I'm so scared of the future, frustrated about the present. In such a damn funk that I can't seem to shake. Just for once I want some peace, I don't want to think and feel this way. Maybe in short I just want to be someone different. I'd trade in all the medals, all the trinkets; just for some peace with myself to be able to sleep and not rage at myself, maybe just to be able to man up and find some confidence and find something good about myself.
I guess I've fallen back into feeling broken, too many things from the past have caught up. I just want some peace and the feeling it'll all be OK - but no matter how much I get told it I'm not sure I believe it because how can it when it hasn't worked in the past? I don't know how to break the circle, and its frustrating because there was once when I felt that I had and I'd started to see things in a much better light. Its just got to some point in me where I really need to break the cycle.
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This is written more as an addendum, maybe a memo to myself not to post after a day in the office when too much is going on in my head. There's stories to be told from today, many (not bad but interesting) stories but they are not for now but maybe in the future.
Souvenirs, pest control and rain later.
4 days ago
Hi Jon, they say that if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. I know you're doing what you can, but maybe you need to see things from a different angle, try something you never have?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I can't be more specific, I'm not overly familiar with your circumstances. But what I'm saying is perhaps you need to think outside the box, and shake things up a little. What do you think?
I can feel every emotion you describe here. I don't think nothing I say can make you feel better, but I'll tell you what keeps me going at times, everything passes. I read this quote the other day, I'm going to share it with you:
ReplyDelete"you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem & smarter than you think"
Thanks for commenting guys, it means so much that people occasionally read my drivel that I write here.
ReplyDeleteI'll reply by email to you both!