Earworms Part XVII

One more that's on a fairly endless loop. My enthusiasm for Scandinavian house knows no bounds... The track is by a band called "Hird" called "Getting Closer" off the album "Moving On" - I wish this stuff was more available in the UK! The band is most listen able to, and this track just screams chill out. But that doesn't mean that it isn't simply marvellous; kind of like floating in a very warm ocean especially with the smooth floating bass-line.

Confidence is a Preference for the Habital Voyeur... Part II

So where am I? Well the answers to that are long and obvious... Well to me anyway - some conversations that I've had in the past have come back to haunt me, I guess that I've kind of got to the bottom of a lot of things but hit a point where I don't know what to do with them. I guess this is an illusion to the fact that my self-confidence is shot again - well it was pretty brittle to start with.

However, its an odd point because its not exactly work, or indeed stuff like the fact I'm nervous to get up and play music in front of folks - I've got a gig next weekend and another in the week after - but its almost become this self-defeating principle of what I see about myself that I can't restore however much I go looking for it - I guess you could call it a lack of confidence or self-faith. Its a hard one to clarify, harder still to fix as it isn't something that feels like it will go away.

Until I fix it I can't move on, but I can't move on without fixing it. Chatting with a friend over the week it sounded a very single child thing, and it may be - but I guess some of the stuff that I value about myself has gotten eroded along the by some things that have happened, but most of all how I've treated (and judged) myself. Right now I don't know for definite an answer but for some reason it feels like one may be just around the corner.

Earworms Part XVI

I haven't done one of these for a little while so I've decided to redress the balance. Whilst I'm biased as this is a bit of a selection of my music I love this track. Its called "Seis Por Ocho" by a band called Nuspirit Helsinki. I got into Nujazz a few years ago when I went to a random gig of a local band playing something similar and got hooked. I pretty much then forgot about it until a few years ago as I couldn't find any. Then I myseteriously came across Nuspirit on a compilation album - I suspect it was possibly "Honest" or maybe even this track. Funky and jazzy in just the right amounts to want to get you to try and nod and move at once.

Defined Centrally, Relocated Externally, Location Uncertain

So what the hell does the title mean? I'm not quite sure. But its going to be the title of my first album, if I ever make one...

But for now all I have to say is this... from A Softer World

Travel sucks sometimes...

So yes the bank holiday weekend. I was sitting on the train home tonight minding my own business when a couple of guys worse for wear with drink sat opposite me. "Ok" I thought, watch your film and keep quiet. Seconds (the doors had just opened at their stop...) before they got off the guy opposite me threw up over the table - got my laptop out of the way but he chundered over the power cable. My thoughts on this are well, interesting:

(1) You can apologise, well slur, at me as much as you like, I'm not angry just very disappointed.
(2) I'm very, very sorry for the cleaners that have to clean your mess up and aren't paid well enough for doing it.
(3) I'm very, very sorry for the train conductors who have to put up with this kind of antics day in day out.

Point (1) has shocked me, following speedily on from the dating post. Maybe its shown a light on me - I know the person that I am, and why I don't go to bars to meet people, though maybe I just haven't found the right bars..., because this kind of antics disgust me. I had a chat to the conductor on the train afterwards and he said this kind of thing isn't uncommon, its a line of work that has opened his eyes. I'm quite used to seeing this kind of thing walking home from town - but some poor bugger has to clean your mess up; for the love of anything think of them!

Sorry, back to other more normal stuff soon - I needed a little rant.

Before I'm 30 Part I

This is going to be an ongoing theme in this blog hopefully one that I can refer back to as time progresses. I sat down and wondered today what my aims actually are; what things did I dream about. The traditional thing is to have a "to do before I'm 30". Due to my proximity I'm going to add 3 years onto it for various reasons. As things occur to me I'll add them to this list. For now the my main ideas are:

(1) Run a 10K (This August)
(2) Run a marathon - preferably London. Whilst I can I'd like to feel the achievement of actually completing something like this; a personal milestone if you will
(3) Complete the Mongol Rally - why? I like the idea of the challenge of being out in the middle of nowhere with no help, no one to sweep you up if things go wrong
(4) Travel to South America - the samba, the football, the culture, Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Chile - I want to see all of them
(5) Travel to Africa - culture and music - a rich tapestry of wildlife. Hopefully this year...
(6) Have another decent relationship - hide this one in here... I'm not saying married, nor kids, I'm talking on a personal level because that is the very first step, and its missing. I stress the another, part not to underwrite how I feel about my last (and indeed only) relationship...
(7) Learn to snowboard - I know skiing is more flexible but I've always wanted to board
(8) Play funk properly - basically, find a band and learn to improvise playing sax...
(9) Play guitar properly

That's it for the moment. More will happen and every-so-often I'll update the list to show where progress is!

I don't want to write this post...

No really I don't. Because it sums a lot of things up maybe. So in short yes I went speed dating tonight - it was fun I guess but hardly earth shattering. Would I recommend it? Probably not but I'd say do it if you want.

But first, I stopped off on my way to writing this at a life of perfect days and read the post Soul connections. It sums up so much so well. Please read it.

So that's the easy bit out of the way. Now to come over all Carrie Bradshaw... I suppose the thing with speed dating is that it always shows you up for who you are. I am a fairly well-educated white middle-class guy with a good view on his future. I guess that I know what I'm looking for in my life, and boy did I not find it at this gig. But there's also a bit of me that feels slightly ashamed of thinking that way. But its who I am and I'm not sure I really want to change it, I think I may quite like it - I'd like to be Hugh Grant or Michael Palin, but I've heard that those jobs have already been taken. I've cut what was here as it sounded quite harsh, maybe too harsh.

But, and I guess that this is the thing; we're all searching for that connection. Can you find it though speed dating, I'm not so sure. I guess I'd be the first to ask whether you can find it through traditional dating, but maybe I'm just not someone who has been on enough dates to find out. Which is not a fine thing, but I guess I'm not generating enough interest to get those dates in the first place. So as the man says pick the bones out of that one. I guess I look back on it and realise that I just don't have the luck sometimes, or maybe I'm too picky, but surely that's my prerogative?

I say this almost while cracking my knuckles looking furtively over at Match.com which has hardly been a rich source - replies are really not flooding in. Maybe I'm just at the point of saying right I need a dating doctor/actually going out and hiring hitch. I still wonder about this. Before you ask, this isn't a kneejerk to speed dating, its a fairly longstanding consideration. It's why I booked myself on the aborted flirting class.

Just writing about this it occurred to me that those that can do, those that can't write about it.